.....Staying forever....

All in all, I think I am shocked at how little of the post-adoption 'crazy' we have actually experienced. Oh how I fretted and worried about the months after coming home from Ethiopia, especially after we learned that Gedion was much older than we thought. In my wildest dreams we had tantrums, screaming fits, horrible words of anger, acts of defiance, physical backlash at siblings... you name it, I just knew Gedion would do it.

Oh how I was wrong about which child to worry about! 

Gedion has been like a dream! Often I am shocked that he has had the life he has. His spirit is so filled with joy, ALL THE TIME! He is constantly loving and hugging on Mommy and Daddy and loves his brothers over the moon and back. He has transitioned at school like a dream, already learning to read in English in less than 2 months. There are moments when he asks hard questions about Ethiopia, but we talk and cuddle and his heart is healing more and more each time. I honestly think he looks back on his time in Ethiopia with a mixture of feelings, but mostly, I think he has joy for the country he was born in. Recently he has started to say "Me Ethiopian" with a giant smile.. to which I always hug him and tell him "Yes, baby, your an amazing Ethiopian!" His healing is coming more quickly and with less painful moments that I expected. Praise God for that!

The only problems, and I really mean this, have been with our little Sassy Pants. She is testing the boundaries of our love for her.. I remind myself of this every time she quietly takes off her diaper in her crib and poops all over the mattress and her blankets. She is testing us, to see if we will leave her or will we be here for her, forever.

This week has been a doozy! Sassy has been sick for the first time since coming home. Nothing major, a slight fever and a slimy green junk running out of her face all the time. But for whatever reason, she has decided to couple her not feeling well with some major tests of Mommy.

Reminding myself as she screams at me for the 100th time today, she is a baby from a hard place. Her life has been filed with different people. Her heart has been broken a 100 times more than my own in just over 2 years. She has felt loss and hurt that most people don't feel in a lifetime. I am writing this now to remind myself of that next time I am cleaned smeared poop from slats in the crib. 

I am staying Sassy, Mommy is staying, forever. 

Surprise Blessings at the Dentist?

This morning we went to the dentist... Dr. Bell... well we have history. I think I was maybe 5 or 6 when I started seeing Dr. Bell as my own pediatric dentist... and boy did we love him! Video games while you get your teeth cleaned... A.M.A.Z.I.N.G!

So when we needed to pick a dentist for the kids I was pretty set on having him. Ricky had lots of funny things to say to me about how stubborn I was being about only having him for the kids dentist. We went twice last year and then this year with Gedion newly home and needing to know where things stand, I made an appointment for this morning.

 Thankfully my Dad was up for the task of coming with us to the dentist... just to sit with Sassy Pants in the lobby while I bounced from chair to chair of cleanings.. it was an amazing blessing.

 Carter is every so cautious... he was watching Noah get his teeth cleaned and was feeling a bit of concern...I love this kid and tender heart. I am reminding myself of that, because sometimes I want him to buck up and be a little tougher skinned... but God has made his heart tender and I can't wait to see all the wonderful things God does with him!

 Noah asked to go first... he loves to be the biggest littlest kid!

 Then Gedi... he thought all the water and sucking machines were so funny he could hardly contain himself! He laughed through the entire cleaning =)

 My poor little Carter... he has teeth like his Momma and needs lots of dental work.. but he is a trooper and was still smiling at the end!

 Jake got a cleaning and a few cavities filled this morning.. he was a little nervous but all in all did amazing! We had not planned to have the cavities done today, but it worked out and we did not have to miss more school, so we just went for it. For being a little planner, he did great with the surprise. 

 What is not to love about this!! Video games and teeth cleaned!

On a special note.. Dr. Bell is an adoptive Daddy himself! He has a little girl they adopted from Russia in 2001, so needless to say.. we are kindred spirits now.. or as he called it "family" and his definition of family has been a blessing we never knew would be coming... his office is helping us care for the kids teeth and plans to cover most of the out of pocket expenses that our insurance does not cover. WHAT A BLESSING!!! I love the adoption community..  it is kinda like the family.

In addition to all of that wonderfulness this morning... I got the final push I needed to overhaul the way our family eats. Carter's teeth issues are combined genetics and dietary. So off I go to never buy boxed cereals again... yada yada... become the most disliked Mom in the world j/k.

Wow, hmmm... you have how many kids?!

So I recently took my oldest Johnny to get a hair cut, he is pretty particular about it all and we have finally after over a year found somewhere he likes. So we walk in and I nervously look around for the gentleman who seemed to please Johnny with his mad scissor skills the last time and to my surprise the skilled scissor man jumps right up and says "Hey man, glad you came back! Ready for a cut?"

As they walked over to the chair another lady sitting in the salon waiting area laughed and said "Gosh, so glad he liked his last cut and you brought him back." I smiled politely. In my head though I am thinking.. "How come these people are falling all over us? How do they remember us, we only came one other time...?" We will call this overly interested person "I was home schooled" and not because being home schooled is a bad thing, for heaven sakes I was home school and I am almost completely normal ;) anyway... but because I don't know her name and after every statement she made about her own life she followed it with ".... I was home schooled."

I sat there hoping for a few moments of peace. The little kids were home with Daddy and it was just me and Johnny. I started playing around on my phone and even closed my eyes for a moment. But "I was home schooled" was not having it. I then was asked every personal question in the book about our family.. how many children we had, how many of them were biological or adopted, how did we know what country to adopt from, what was the adopted children's circumstances for coming into adoption, what about Johnny.. what is his story? Why does he want to be here with you? and well keep going in your mind and that is what this woman asked me. But here is the kicker...she actually looked me in the face and asked me if I thought I could possibly love all these children... because she has one and that is just enough for her and she could never ever think of having more because she can hardly do it with the help of her own mother.. just loving one child.. it really takes it out of ya! (These are her exact words!)

I almost fell over... Was she really asking me if I could actually love all my children? Really?! Because sometimes my mouth gets the better of me I was ready with a quippy remark... but thankfully (for once in my life) my brain thought about it first and I kept my perfectly accurate remark to myself and thoughtfully replied "I know that not everyone understands large families, but if you understand the love of one child, the way your hear melts when those little hands grab yours or how you beam with pride when one makes a decision that is focused on someone else's needs above their own... if you love those moments, just imagine, I get to have them 6 times over... " She smiled and said "Ya I guess"...

Ya, I guess!! That was not the heart felt response I was looking for here lady! 

Over the last few weeks our family size has not only been questioned by complete strangers but by people who have been in our lives for a while now. It has caused me to take a closer look at larger families... and at moments I have questioned myself. But you know what, God has seen fit to allow Ricky and I care to for HIS children for a short time... and who am I to question the God of the universe? As I have thought and prayed for a good response.. I am left with my original response to "I am home schooled"... Yes, I can love them all.. and I do love them all.. each one of their precious little hearts blesses me each day. 

We might be loud and drink 3 gallons of milk in a week, but we can play 4 on 4 basketball downstairs at night in our pj's and have ragging dance parties without ever leaving the house! I love our big, awesome, amazing family and I would not change it for the world or even for a moment of silence.  

"The least of these.."

Life is a funny thing... Over the past ten years my life has changed so dramatically. For those of you who know my story, you know the last ten years have been filled with heart ache and pain and love and laughter, forgiveness and grace.. full of new beginnings.

When I was in high school I was also so conflicted about what I wanted "to be" when I grew up. I just never could get it straight in my head or heart. Post high school I started down many career paths... always wondering if this was it? Different majors, different goals... never feeling the "YES! This is it!" About two years ago I had the honor of going to work with one of our dearest family friends, who had just passed the California State Bar and off he went to open his own law firm. I got to  be there. It was awesome. I love the law, I love advocating for the powerless, I love learning, and I love being able to help change something for the better. I decided to go to finish what I needed in school and pursue a law degree. Wild thoughts with three boys and two kids on the way.. but it felt right.

During our long and hard year between court in Ethiopia and being able to bring home Gedion and Grace, I needed to not be in school. It was too much for me, too much for my brain and heart to processes. I stopped AGAIN going to school. But here is the thing, I know I will finish. Even with 6 kids, I know I will. Because God is calling me to advocate for those who can't. He is calling me to speak for those who voices get lost. AND I AM EXCITED ABOUT IT! It might not be now, and it might not be for 5, or 10, or 15 years but I am excited about where God has called me to professionally.

And personally.....

I woke this morning with a heavy weight on my heart... it has been there since I was in Ethiopia, but I feel like I have pushed it away, not wanting to address the weight, wanting to be "happy" so I push it out...

But how do you push out the fatherless of the this world? How do you ignore the oppressed? How do you ignore the parent who parents alone? 

YOU DON'T! 

This morning God spoke so clearly to my heart during devotions.... you don't push it away, you don't push it to the back of your mind... because THEY are worthy of a broken heart. THEY are worthy of action. 

There are 477 kids on the a single adoption agencies waiting children's list... 477! Some of those kids have been waiting for a Mommy and Daddy for 3 years! 3 years they have lived without the hug of a Mommy when tears fall from scrapes and cuts. Three years without the encouragement of a Daddy to try the new things in life. Three years without someone to read to them. Three years wondering if tomorrow they will eat. If tomorrow they will get picked. If tomorrow someone will love them. 

So this morning I am thankful for this weight. I pray God never lifts it from my heart because it is who I am. The person I looked for all those years in high school and after.. I am God's child, who will follow where HE leads and do what I know God has called me.

Will you?

Tired and Thankful for it!

We stayed out way to late last night... not one of us was in bed before 10:00 pm. On a normal school night we are hunkered down in bed well before 8:00 pm. This morning my eyes are tired, the kids were dragging, we were late for school... and it was all worth every moment of it!

Having my eyes tired this morning reminds me of the sweet laughter of all my favorite little boys playing together. Dragging the kids out of bed this morning made me laugh at the "Pirate Show" performed by those same group of silly boys. As we got to school and Noah said "Mommy, I am so sleepy!" I had to smile... I told him remember how blessed we are to have friends that we love and that make us laugh each time you feel tired today. He smiled at me, Noah gets it... he knew I was talking about the awesome 3 hours of giggles and screaming that happened last night. Before I left him in class his little arms hugged around my neck and he said "I love this kind of tired."

Me too buddy, me too.

My heart is so thankful this morning to have women in my life who love me unconditionally, who pray for my family, who hold me accountable. These friendships have been void in my life for the 15 years.... but the ones that are here are oooh so sweet.

Thankful for feeling sleepy this morning, because every moment of being my friend last night was worth it.

One of my other dear friends, Wendi, took some photo's of our family in the middle of a more chaotic photo shoot. When my sisters were here for Christmas with their families we decided to take a family photo... so Wendi came, even through it was like 3 degrees outside..and took some pictures of our whole family. While we hanging out she snapped these awesome photo's of our family. Gedion was not super happy to be taking photo's.... so we will try again soon when he is feeling more comfortable and is up for smiling in some of just him! Here is the family photo and one of my girl and me... the rest are on her blog...  Thanks my sweet friend for these... they are precious!

We are just alike..

This morning as I was writing to Grace in her journal I was working through a topic we covered in church yesterday. We are working through the Bible again this year, but with the topic of family as the focus of the year. This week one of our dearest friends and fellow adoptive Dad's spoke about God as the "Daddy" and us as the children. Galatians 4:3 In the same way we also, when we were children, were enslaved to the elementary principles of the world. But when the fullness of time had come, God sent his Son, born of a woman, born under the law, to redeem those who were under the law, so that we might receive adoption as sons. And because you are sons, God has sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, crying "Abba! Father!" So you are no longer a slave, but a son, and if a son, then an heir through God."

Tim did an amazing job of helping us to understand why we would even need to be adopted in the first place... you know the saying "We are all children of God"... anyway, that is another blog post. To cut it short, I loved how he worked through the concept of being adopted into God's family and why we/others needs to be adopted.

Now let me back track... in church yesterday morning Grace was with us. We have not put her into child care yet... only because we are still working on bonding and attachment, etc. Anyway, she was sitting with Ricky in the back, because she loves to chatter, and we didn't want to be a disruption to everyone else sitting near us. When they came back to sit with Johnny and I at the end of the service, Grace was trying her hardest to put a little pencil behind her ear. I happen to sneak a photo....

Daddy ALWAYS puts his pencil behind his ear. Always. Such a sweet moment watching her be like her Daddy. 

I love/hate these moments with all our kids. The moment they do something, anything, that is an exact duplicate of me or Ricky. I say love/hate because there have been things that I have not been proud of that the kids have done and I think... hmmmm... I think that is my fault.

Since we have been home, we have been working through what Gedion's age is really going to be. We don't know for sure how old he is, but we do know for sure.. he is not 4. The last few times at the doctor, someone has asked his date of birth and then looked up and said "Wow, he is big for his age!" I am quipped more than once, "Look at how tall his Daddy is!"... Ricky being over 6'6"... I feel like its a perfect answer for something that might make Gedion feel uncomfortable (as soon as he can understand what they are saying). 

In my own private struggles, I often wonder and fear that our kids will have identity issues. I won't go into specifics, but it is not just the G's that I worry about. So I often trying to find things to point out... showing them that they are "like" us.. that they are "like" the rest of the family. Even though we are all different, and God made us that way, that there are little things that tie us together. Funny how I am probably more worried about it than the kids are or ever will be. God is working on me in this area.

Today I wrote to Grace in her journal that no matter how we are the same or different over the years, how we look or act the same or different, or the things we say or don't say that are the same... We are exactly the same on a major issue in our lives... we are both adopted, and if my earnest prayers are heard.. all of our kids will be adopted. 

Here are the things I know for sure:

1. God made us all in his perfect image

2. Sin separated us from God

3. We are all adopted  into His family when we choose to receive the gift that He sent of his Son

What a special bond to have as a family, the one thing that would/could make a child feel separated or different from the his/her earthly family.. is actually something that we all have in common, something that binds us together, something that makes us the same. 

Praising Jesus this morning for revealing through teaching and his Word the concept of adoption and becoming an heir to His throne, and how we are all the same in having that available to us. 

A small funny from this morning..

On the way to school this morning Noah saw a rainbow... we have not had rain here in a week or so, but it just so happen that there was an amazing rainbow this morning across the sun. All the boys were excited about it! Noah started talking about the gold at the end of the rainbow.... Jake was excited even more! Jake was saying that if he could just find the gold then he could help all the kids in Africa.... melt my heart... Noah seemed confused and asked how chocolate is going to help the kids in Africa? To which Jake said "oh Noah, the chocolate part is just on the Blue's Clues, not in real life."

I just had to smile to myself, I love that Jake corrected Noah that the chocolate part was not real, but the gold at the end of the rainbow still made perfect sense to him. I love their little brains!